America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. 
--Jay Leno

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate. 
--Jay Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. 
--Conan O'Brien